• Nick Pennman

Governor Newsom: Extend lockdowns. They’re great for business!

Los Angeles – As of thousands of small business declaring bankruptcy due to lockdown restrictions, Californian Governor, Gavin Newsom has today praised the effects lockdown orders have had on American business.

“It’s a dog eat dog world. Only the strong can survive”, he said from his Malibu beach house.

“Sure I may have allowed the Walmart’s and Amazon’s of the world to stay open, and sure I may have forced small business to close but is that really an advantage to big business?”

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo echoed his sentiment. “If you want to stay afloat in business, you’ve got to be creative. How do you think I bought a million dollar mansion on a politician’s salary?”

Whilst stores like Walmart are nearing record profits, small business owners have pleaded for financial relief.

“We are distributing the money where it is needed”, said Governor Newsom, who today unveiled a 125 million dollar plan to give $500 checks to undocumented immigrants in the state to help them cope during the Covid-19 crisis.

“Polling has indicated that small business owners are not part of my voter base, so unfortunately they will not be eligible for financial relief”.

Newsom’s plan is set to be implemented this week, with the first checks to be received in the mail by end of month.