• Nick Pennman

Democrats push for text based voting system.

As the coronavirus lockdowns continue across the United States, and "scientists" pray for a second wave, Democratic officials have begun to lobby for text based voting in the upcoming election.

"The process is simple", says House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "You text Y to keep Trump as President, or N for Joe Biden to replace him. I like to call it, Presidential Idol".

The house are set to vote on the controversial plan next Tuesday. If approved, Paula Abdul will oversee the count, and on election night at 11pm EST, Ryan Seacrest will announce your new President.

In unrelated news, millions of pre-paid mobile phones have arrived in towns across Mexico, much to the delight of local residents