• Nick Pennman

Coronavirus projections: Opposite of whatever conservatives say.

In the wake of news that restrictions will begin to ease, coronavirus models report conflicting data on what to expect in the coming weeks. Speaking with the CDC, this variation is based on the stance Democratic and Conservative politicians take on the issue.

"State-level forecasts vary widely as there are both Democratic and Conservative governors. In Democratic states that ease restrictions we are projecting a sharp decline in Covid-19 cases, however in Conservative states that ease restrictions, we expect a sharp spike in cases,” the CDC said. In the wake of this news, speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) has suggested we quarantine all conservatives.

“By looking at the CDC projections, it’s clear that Democratic voters have anti-bodies resistant to the coronavirus. It only makes sense to quarantine all conservatives until we flatten the curve”. When asked how long that will be, Pelosi stated “Likely until after the election”.