• Nick Pennman

American universities introduce new degrees for the modern liberal student

American Universities are introducing a new range of degrees to suit the modern liberal student. Vincent Price the 10th President of Duke University, said one of the new degrees that they will have on offer this Fall is “Bachelor of Entitlement” for those students who are flocking to universities and believe that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Mr Price said this degree was specifically designed for them. He said its core subjects included, Revisionist History 101, Strawman Arguments 2.0, and workshops on how to shut down someone you disagree with.

Over at Northwestern University, 16th president Morton Schapiro said he was extremely excited about some of the New degrees they were going to have on offer. One in particular he was extremely excited about “Bachelor of Wokeness”.

Mr Schapiro said this degree was ideal for those students who believed they had a, heightened awareness of issues concerning social justice and racial justice. He went on to say that he believed that the majority of enrolees in this course would probably be rich middle-class white kids who aligned themselves with ANTIFA because they were so well versed in social inequality. At Columbia University, the University's nineteenth president Lee C. Bollinger said that now was the time to turn the blow torch on traditional degrees and introduce courses more in line with the aspirations of modern students. He said the students at one of New York’s most prestige universities would now be able to take courses more in line with the continuous moral outrage they have in respect to the more conservative aspects of American life, like family, history and religion. He said these courses would include, workshops on Statue & Monument removal, “how to make and dispose of a Molotov cocktail” and how to utilise looting to highlight your political message. He added that there would also be theoretical classes on how to use anarchy to achieve your political goals. One of his favourite new courses was, the history of rioters, a case study of the modern militia of the Democratic Party. Mr Bollinger suggested that these subjects would probably be the core components of Columbia’s new “Bachelor of Outrage and Moral Indignation”.